Confusion
by IZZY-CHAN13
Summary: Take a trip into Brainy's mind as he deals with his musings surrounding himself and others around him. The manifestations are not so friendly.. (Originally published on deviantART in May 2010)
1. Rejection, Again

The day's like any other. We wake up to the sun's warm rays, get ready for the daily routine, and sing our little tune as Papa Smurf taught us. The only difference today is that I can't find my glasses. My vision without them is a lost cause.

I attempt to pry my eyes open only to feel a sharp sting, and have to close them again. That's what I get for reading in front of a single candle all night. I only did what he told me to do, "seek knowledge, and share it with everyone around you".

Yeah, maybe.

I have a ton of books filled with "Quotes From Brainy Smurf". By asking I could probably get a spot to construct a huge library to storage them all… I'm the only one that reads them front to cover anyway.

Groping around I feel a thick metal frame, I think these are my glasses. They feel light enough, and they fit just fine. Didn't poke my eyes once. That's a good thing. I can finally open up my window shutter.

I took in more air than my lungs could handle.

A sad effort trying to stop the reflex only made the coughing worse, and I grab my head for a bruise that pulsated all the while.

Have you ever tried to take in a deep breath right after getting up from bed? Sometimes the idea runs through that the next second you could be sprawled on the floor gasping for air. Same kind of concept if you walk without watching where you're going, not caring if one sticks their foot in the swamp or the knot of a tree. The result is breaking a leg or an arm for not thinking ahead of time.

Those people are stupid.

In that case-

Oh great, a visitor. "I wonder who it could possibly be,"

The door opens and I twist my face around in disgust,

"It's just you," I'm greeted by a lazy smile. Sometimes I wish he'd raise up that cap of his so that I wouldn't have to go OCD over his entire existence.

"Mornin' Brainy!" He lets out a hillbilly chuckle, jovial.

I certainly don't feel jovial, "Morning, Clumsy."

"Gosh, you're still in your pajamas!" Technically, it's a nightgown.

Sometimes I wish I never met this kid. I said it. He is one.

I grit my teeth slightly, "Well Clumsy, if you excuse me, let me change…!" I growl, "Now leave me alone thanks" I shut the door in front of him and remove the gown as quickly as possible, splash a bit of water on my face. The towel feels warm. I wish I could just leave it there over me sometimes. My God-

Time to say hello to my fellow companions. My fellow smurfs. First victim of the day. I walk right up to Smurfette, lovely as usual. I smile; she has her eyes doing circles before giving me her own. The blonde hair glistens as much as her eyes. She smells like those flowers that she waters on her windowsill. Lovely, lovely Smurfette.

I must have been speechless, she looked at me quizzically.

"Ahem, lovely weather we're having today, don't you think?"

Another soft smile, "Yes, it is quite a nice day."

She folds her arms together and tries to warm herself up. Is it really that cold? Wow, this is awkward, I can't talk anymore. Geez, she's not even paying attention to me anymore.

I already know why.

I strut away before Smurfette realizes I'm gone.


	2. Lost

Okay, I get it. It's obvious that she doesn't like me very much. Hell the only time I remember her kissing me was after I was cured from that spell… I still don't know what happened that day…

I'll just come to the conclusion that females prefer brawn over brains. They don't care about enriching their vocabulary at all. They just __swoon__ over some dipstick that has only said a single word to them and then proclaiming marriage. If I had the time to smurf myself up to shape I most definitely would. I didn't mention it at the time, but I really didn't mind the way Smurfette looked when she first stepped into the village. Sure, her nose just needed to be a bit smaller, but she was all right. Still, this doesn't compensate for the fact that it drove Clumsy into distraction more than a couple times as she strutted by.  
By Smurf I really need to get her out of my head. She's Hefty's, not mine. And it's such a shame. If only if the Smurflings used enough blue clay to—

"Hey Brainy, duck!"—  
"Ow!—"  
Watch it you __brat!__

"We're sorry! Are you okay?"

With a hand holding my dazed head, I spot a flash of red pigtails and bulbous eyes in front of me. The pink overalls are covered with dirt. Sassette really needs to take a bath.

"I'm fine— I silently curse at the stick beside me.

A bark and a whimper sounded in the near distance; pretty soon Puppy had shown up with those meddlesome boys.  
Oh right adult Smurfs that were reverted back to children, whatever.

"Hey four-eyes, why didn't you duck?"

"Snappy! Well I guess I wasn't paying attention!" I growl.  
Slouchy and Nat were only a second behind.  
Get that smug little smirk off your face.  
I stand and brush myself off. Puppy took his tongue and slobbered all over me. So much for freshening up in the morning. I look again at Sassette, and even with viscous saliva running down my back, I feign a smile. All I can think about is taking a shower—

The farmer boy giggled, "Here Brainy" A handkerchief is placed in my clenched hand. I clench it even more and raise it to the back of my neck. The cloth is rough yet soothing; I can only close my heavy lids for a second,

"Thanks." I open my eyes and gaze at all of them, staring at me all dumbfounded, "What?"

"Brainy" the girl paused, then tugged at Snappy's yellow sleeve, she whispered something in his ear—

Nat stood by me the entire time, and my face contracted with worry; a drop of water was rolling down my chin with such a lethargic manner that my thoughts could never match.

Hastily I thrust the damp handkerchief to farmer boy and accidently push by the Smurfling leaning against a boulder.  
My face hidden away I find my legs rushing toward the dense woods; I couldn't hide away my tears. I kept on running, running, still running; - I don't watch where I'm going and my foot catches on the edge of a trunk—

I break my fall with quick arms; my hands sting and burn. I get up with huge strength, only to slink down in front of the tree to blame.  
Wow, I didn't think I could run so fast my heart's beating up a storm! Whew—

" _ _Nngh!__ "  
My legs are sore.

Really, Brainy? Cry like a baby in front of the Smurflings? Cry in front of Nat, Sassette?  
I smack myself. The hurt brings me back into reality.  
I'm lost.

The leaves gave way to cloudy sunlight. So warm I welcome it with arms behind my head. A breeze comes 'round, but it's cold. A quick shiver runs down my spine, but it ends as soon as it begins.  
Hope that they don't start jabbing away to the whole population; that's the last form of humiliation I need. They're kids, who am I to complain? Oh wait—adult Smurfs and another science project. And the dog too. How much does Puppy eat anyway? How do they wash him? A waste of water I'm sure. I still want that shower.  
How do I get home?  
My stomach rumbles and I chuckle in embarrassment.

It's getting darker by the minute, and my arms are the only blanket to protect me from the wind. A sigh escapes shuddering lips; the weight on my neck crooks itself down into my chest…  
A sharp rustle at the bushes catch my attention and I grab a rock lying on the mossy dirt, ready for an attack that would never come. The light wavered and flickered towards me.  
A clang and a short yelp, and the fire goes out.  
So much for an invaluable heat source,

"Who's there?" I choke on my question; the hand holding the rock shakes.

"Br—Brainy—- is that you?" A cheer of relief— "Wow it __is__ you!"  
Another clang and the Smurf falls. I groan in disbelief but then can't help myself from a laugh in the nook of my palm.

"Wait here Brainy!"  
Another rustling of leaves in the bush and another clang; the lantern magically appears in my view again. I cease laughing,

"Clumsy, what brings you out here? Probably lost too huh?"

"Nope, I know where we are. Follow me and I'll lead us back to the village—

I scoff, "The __Village?__ — __Lead?__ "  
I laugh even harder and hold my sides which were growling in anticipation. Again he talks,

"I know where we are Brainy, follow me."

You can't even lead yourself to the bathroom!

* * *

Surely I must be seeing things; the lights of the mushroom houses were within our range. We were nearly out of the woods. The light wavered transfixed on a concerned face, shifting his eyes to peer at me and then down to the ground again,  
"I skipped dinner just to find you Brainy, every Smurf wondered where you were."

Really now?  
"I could have figured out a way to get home myself thanks."

"The Smurfings—

I flinch vividly - "the Smurflings told us that you ran into the woods for some reason, they were kinda surprised."

"Did they tell you guys anything __else?__ "

Clumsy chuckled, "No Brainy, they didn't." He couldn't meet my gaze, and I already knew why—

"Sorry."

"Um, for what?" his head perked; we stepped foot into the outskirts of the Smurf Village.

"Ff! Never mind." I jerked my head in the other direction, and my stomach wouldn't shut up. Neither could his apparently.

"Oh."

"Well."

"Uh, hey, Greedy told me that we could have something to eat at his house if you want—

" _ _Would I ever!__ "

The satisfied grin played on until the last drop of vegetable soup had gone down my throat, savoring every molecule of it.

"You must have been __starving__ out there Brainy!"

"You'd win that bet."

Greedy removed his apron and hung it on the rung of his chair, and out of the cupboard he pulled out a Smurfberry pie, "Want a bite?"

"Oh I sure would!" Clumsy belted out, jolting for the dessert— "Whoa!"—

Before I suspected a thing the whipped cream was all over the side of my face. Now I __really__ want that shower.

"Oh Clumsy. Look what you've gone and done!"

 _ _Again!__

The chef just laughed and pulled out a towel, "Here, Brainy."

The echoing of those words gave me nausea. I wasn't in the mood for dessert anymore. Nonchalantly I wipe the stick off and look at Clumsy with a glaring eye, he smiling sheepishly as usual.

I still want to raise the brim of that damned cap.


	3. Beloved Leader

"Papa Smurf, I'm sure this will contribute to the betterment of our society."

Papa stroked at his cloud beard, "Say, Brainy, don't those magic jars look a bit dusty?"

"While you're at it, why don't you sweep the floor too? My potion ingredients are getting everywhere, and I'm afraid that someone could catch a cold or allergy from them."

"Whatever you say, Papa Smurf." When I turn around I let out a scowl. Duster in hand, I'm tempted to rip out the feathers. Maybe instead of spreading the dirt around in the air, maybe I should use a damp cloth…

My words of philosophy were shut out once more. Every time I'm in his lab he makes me do the housework while he gets to play God with his experiments. There were times when I was given a chance to whip up a serum, but every time I try, something goes wrong, usually in the form of an unexpected guest.

Or my lenses don't work or I can't read anything but my own quotes anymore. My inferiority complex is acting up again—I gotta stop talking to myself.

My fingers nearly slide off of a glass jar of dragon's blood—

"Whoa!"

" _ _Brainy!__ " I chuckle nervously and resume my work. I don't hear another word from him, but the door to his lab slams shut. Dust suspends in the air as I proceed to dust the portraits poorly jutted out from the wall.

"This place is a dump!" The particles tickle and tease my nose. I take a sniff before a sneeze rolls in—Then I cough violently.

I forgot why I admire that leader so much. He brought us together, raised us. He even fashioned these glasses for me.

~~  
"Papa Smurf, what is this?"

" _ _They're__ called spectacles. You'll need them to see."

"But, Papa—I can see just fine—

"Believe me, you're going to need them soon enough."

Then he told me to do research on various topics of our community lifestyle. And through countless hours of taking inventory, working by candlelight, I lost my 20/20 vision.

So he's the oldest. So he's the wisest. Shouldn't the wise listen to other's opinions as to broaden their own perspective?

I keep a tight grip on the next jar and dust away, just contemplating those little moments when I had something over my fellow Smurfs. Am I capable of being a leader on my own? I lack experience, so shouldn't I be given a shot at it? Why does no one question the one in charge?

I flinch and feel the glass flatten my thumb. I'm such a hypocrite. All these Smurf years and I haven't uttered a single word of rebellion. And now that I think back, "Well, Papa Smurf said" is just a front to bolster my own reputation. It couldn't hurt to dream, can it?

Imagine all the good I can do if I were to be in charge. Not just for a day. I can finally put my words to good use and revolutionize the lifestyle. Everyone would need to listen to me because I speak the truth.

The only reason why they banish me and throw me around on village grounds is because I speak the truth. As daring or harsh, prejudiced or bigoted as it sounds, I have the reason—

Can I tell them—inform them, that the world we live in is not a bed of roses, but rows and rows of thorns and venom-spitting snakes ready to devour them whole—

 _ _Clnk! Crrrk! Clink!__

Life isn't perfect. What can the village do if some enemy finds it?

An all-too-familiar twinge pulsates at the back of the head. Grip still on the jar, I shut my eyes to the ceiling as my mind's activity tries to cease. But my own musings to become the leader were replaced by the jeers and insults of those that didn't understand my intentions.

Papa Smurf's face pops up in my mind's eye, and half of me smiles. The other shattered the glass between my hands.

My eyelids are freed open to the sight of red and blue. Shards wiggled its way into the ridges. The bump on my heads pulsates even louder, and I bite my tongue to not scream aloud. My hands kept open, shaking. The potion within had splashed everywhere. A few drops landed on the leaves of a potted rosebud. A bead of sweat rolls down my aching neck as gravity played its part.

The drops of the mystery potion collected together before rolling down, plopping itself into the soil.

Playing God—that's a human saying. Papa wouldn't have it.

Nothing.

Nothing but the creak of the door and the clattering of items on the hardwood floor—

"Brainy, what happened?!"

Papa Smurf despises the humans.

"Come on, my little Smurf. We'll get you cleaned up."

As I'm led to the front room like a child I nearly give a sigh of relief until I peer over the shoulder, and notice the petals of the rose bud unfurling, one by one.

* * *

"You have to be more careful, Brainy." His consoling self. I wince as the cold metal pincers dig into the skin; the large pieces were already in the trash. Out of embarrassment I didn't complain about how fragile that jar was, nor did I begin to cry. Just sat there, biting my lip and letting my toes curl into each other to release the tension.

"Almost done; what were you doing?"

"Dusting the jars."

The gauze wraps around my palms and fingers tight enough to ebb the flow. Little spots creep their way to the surface. I stared for a minute until I hear another voice,

"Oh, Papa Smurf! You have to come quick!"

My glasses nearly fall off.

"What's the matter, Smurfette?"

"Baby Smurf—he got a serious rash after playing in the sassafras—

My freshly bandaged hands sting as I adjust the frames—

"What happened to Brainy?"

Papa Smurf let out something between a cough and a chuckle before responding, "He broke a glass jar."

"How?"

"I was dusting the jar." Like a broken record.

My eyes finally raise themselves away from my crusted hands onto the umber orbs, or were they lavender? I can see her sympathy, and against my will I make myself emotionless to her question.

"So," Papa Smurf paced around the room, collecting a few herbs from the drawers, "I know what Baby might have—

He reaches for the grinding stone on his desk,

"I'll be back soon enough." He gives an assuring smile, but I wasn't sure if it was directed toward me or not—

"Thank you, Papa Smurf!"

Figures. A tiny sigh escapes my lips before realizing that Smurfette took Papa's seat in front of me.

"Uh—don't you have to check up on the baby?"

"How did you break the jar?"

Wow, she's persistent.

"I was dusting the jar; my grip must have been too hard. Heh heh." My eyes shuffle to the side. Her soft voice caught me off guard—

"Were you angry at something—or someone?"

 _ _Jesus__ , lady! I'm not gonna spill my life story on you—of all the fu—

"No." calm as can be, "I wasn't angry—Maybe I was just distracted."

I feign a smile. And a crooked one at that.

Then she starts giggling. She must be dead tired. I glance over her shoulder to the open window to see if any other Smurf was peering in on us. Pink, orange, and violet forms a soft carpet for the emerging stars. The smirk left just as quick as it came, and right now I wouldn't have it any other way…

"I'm sorry you got hurt, Brainy," her hand comes in centimeters away from mine, and I pull my own back with a jerk—

"ff—ow." The sting was about to make it go numb. I hope my ears haven't gone red.

Yes, my ears. It's embarrassing.

The same outreached hand pulls golden hair behind her small ear,

"Sorry."

Well, you should be. "It's fine."

And to think you wanted to be rid of me a week ago.

The immediate silence was broken by babble and a baby rattle.  
"There, all gone!" A jovial Papa.

"You'll heal soon enough. I've added a special balm to speed up the process."

"Thank you, Papa Smurf." Void of any real emotion.

I catch one final glimpse of Smurfette as she carries the small child home—the bliss that played on her face transformed into sincerity when throwing a look back at me. I freeze up for a moment and watch her in the moonlight. When she's far from sight and I sense that Papa Smurf had gone into the confines of his lab, I laugh in a sickening way before a scowl emerges—

It'll take a lot for me to give into you, Smurfette. I know what game you're playing, and I know your friend won't like it either.

An arousing thought plays over and over; I shake my head to make it go away before setting off to my own hut… I hear distant giggling and "ahhs" and "oohs" and see little pinpricks of light fluttering around. The Smurflings were busy catching fireflies in glass jars.

And, there's Clumsy sitting on a log, "Oh, hey! Brainy, look it here at all the fireflies they're getting!"

Like a child, his legs kick up in the air and dangle around—

"Here! Go and catch some of your own!" the container is pressed against my chest by the redhead.

My wrapped hands can barely support the jar—

To distract myself from the pain I glance over at the rest of them, having the time of their lives. Slouchy himself took a shot at the activity, complete with that lazy smile.

"I don't think I can do this right now." To myself again.

"Sit next to me, Brainy!" The log creaks under my weight.

"Handy put me in charge of the kids today—they sure are a heap o' fun!" laughing and grinning all the while,

"Handy, huh?" I place the jar in the grass at my feet.

"Yeah—uh—what happened—your hands—

I let my annoyance drift away, "I was thinking hard about something—lot of things, really. Apparently I can't control my emotions, or I'm just stupid." I chuckle at my own personal stab.

"Oh, don't say that—

"I broke a glass jar while dusting it;" prodding at the one with me. I can't help but giggle. The whole incident seemed like a joke now. The cheers of innocence from the kids almost made me forget.

The log creaks again, and I leap off before it collapses, grabbing a hold at Clumsy's wrist as he falls backward—

"Whoa-!

"I got ya-" I grunt as the weight's pulled up,

"Thanks, Brainy!" All smiles.

Sassette skips to us, dots of light illuminating her face with a soft lime green glow. She looks at the empty jar and up at me, and then at my bandages.

My hand begins to ache, and I let go of Clumsy after he balanced himself up again, "Should have told you sooner. Sorry."

I crouch down to pick up the empty container and hand it to her, "Get some more; I'll take care of the rest."

"But," she pauses, "you're hurt." I plop down on the cool grass and crook my neck up—

"I'm fine, Sassette." Clumsy takes a seat real close—an overgrown kid. I flinch before scooting off to the side, then I take one long observation of the girl in pigtails.

The same expression as Smurfette. The only difference was the amount of "experience" she had. None. The sincerity was pure and untainted. Something, that only a child can radiate.

She grips the jar and nearly embraces it before joining up with the rest of the gang—It takes me a minute to sense Clumsy's gaze upon me—

"What is it?"

* * *

At least I'm not sore at them anymore.

Cold water splashes on my face as part of my nightly routine. The gauze felt rough but strangely exfoliating at the same time. The bleeding stopped completely, but the marks were still there, leaving a rustic shade of brown. I reach for a towel. My face stays within the cloth when I hear the Smurflings outside my house, along with other familiar voices.

"Look how many we got!"

"Well, would you look at that. Great job, Nat!"

"Thanks, Handy."

Hmm. Where there's Handy,

"Hey guys, Baby's all better!"

My heart burns, in a bad way. It's Smurfette's "friend", Hefty.

"Ugh." I bury my face in the towel completely for a moment before rushing over to the main gas lamp, clicking it shut. For no particular reason I cracked open the wooden windowsill and listen in on their conversation,

I could hear the little one cooing, followed by another gay cheer of the small crowd that __just happened__ to be at my porch,

"So, how were the kids, Clumsy? Did they behave?" that gruff tone.

My friend chuckled, "They sure did. Brainy came over and helped me take care of them too."  
I heard Hefty belt out a laugh amidst the scattered banter of the adults and Smurflings alike, including Smurfette playing like a flute—

"He's doing better than last week!"

"Yeah, he wasn't crying like a baby this time!"

"Snappy!"

My head goes down with a thunk against the floor. If he was my child I'd give him a good thrashing. Nat didn't do a very good job at defending me. So much for having a hypothetical little brother.

Sassette's voice rings in my ears, "Snappy __how could you?__ "

"You promised not to say anything, remember?" a lazy remark. Slouchy sounded half asleep. The din of the various conversations quieted down at once.

 _ _I really do not want to hear the rest.__

Without thinking, in the dark, I grab for the nightgown, cap, blanket and pillow, toothbrush and paste and throw them onto a spread traveling tarp. Beads roll down my forehead when I hear the chitter-chatter get louder, and the words much clearer.

"Wait, __where is__ Brainy?"

"Last time I checked—

The tarp fumbles to be tied down three times before I secure a knot on the pole. I lunge out the other windowsill reserved for my observatory and hear the shatter of the telescope lens before my hands ram the ground—

I scream in agony as soon as the front door to my house is slammed open—

" _ _Brainy?!__ " The last word my ears catch before hauling my load, stomping the ground behind me running away from everything I ever knew—

Again.

And again—

The shimmering lake emerges in my view and my legs carve a sharp left into the knothole of an enormous tree—(even for the humans).

Within the trunk my run slows to a crawl on the mottled leaves—My throat scratches and burns for the lack of oxygen.

Yet I breathe heavily; with each passing intake the salt water wells up in my sockets. The freshly dried scabs on my palms were open—In the black I can feel the liquid being soaked up by the damaged gauze—

" _—_ _ _Raaagh!—-__

I scream and yell and curse for the next five minutes, pounding my fists wherever I could reach the wall of the trunk, the rotting ground.

This did nothing good for the bandages—they shredded with each strike on the rough surface—my head was about to split open—

A cross section of my brain exploded with images of the beating—The blows to the back of my skull—

The jeers of my fellow Smurfs.

And what did Papa Smurf do? Our Beloved Leader.

Absolutely nothing.

What a lousy, fucking dreadful end to a decent evening…

My aching neck no longer supported the poisonous thoughts that jolted through my nerves and brought my head straight down into the crusted mulch…

A wandering hand reaches for the handle of my travel pack and pulls it close. Too tired to change, the jumbled pouch becomes my lumpy pillow for the night.

Despite all the oddities of the day, I slept soundly, without a dream nor a nightmare to plague my weak heart.


	4. My Home

That potion… what was that potion…

I stir in my dead sleep. A tiny chill travels up my exposed back. My head's begging for the discarded cap at my side. My lazy hand reaches for the brim.

Then I sneeze. I never bothered to notice how cold it was getting last night.

Last night… "Nggh.." I got myself sitting on top of the mulch.

"At least my glasses are okay." I brush off something slimy with the side of my scarred hand and then at my hairless skull…

"Why do I keep running away?" I bury my face in my crossed arms. I really don't want to see them again. Ever. But I know that eventually I'm going to have to. I just can't leave my work lying around!

Good thing that most of them can't read very well… They'd know too much by then…

Why does it have to be so cold? What time of day is it? I crawl up the side of the trunk to a limp stand. Out of curiosity I clench my fists several times to see if the pain was still there. The scabs had reformed and I could only feel a tiny sting in each palm.

That's one good thing.

I can still hear crickets chirping. I poke my head out of the opening. The horizon over the lake's awash with blue and lavender. A tiny glowing speck of light in the distance… Another chill. It's early morning.

Despite the common sense I usually rely on, I removed my frames and bottom garment and took a dip into the freezing water. I submerged myself completely to adapt to its temperature…

There are times when, I wish, beneath this liquid surface, I could stay forever…

To have their laughter, their insults quiet down to murmurs—then silence beneath my warm towel upon my reddened face…

I have to breathe again. I gasp for thin air and anchor my arms to the water's bank—

"Brainy. Listen to yourself. You're an idiot." Another deep intake, "H—hold on!" My fingers hook in and dig into the dirt, "Please, hold on."

It's okay. It's okay! I'm fine… I'm not afraid.

Underwater again with a clear conscience.

I'm a liar. A hypocrite.

But I need to go back.

* * *

I can't stop thinking about that rosebud. Playing God.

A strength unknown to me seeps into my woven fists. One hanging at my side while the other's lugging around my travel pack on my shoulder.

I have to hand it to Papa. He did a good job. That special balm of his still worked even after I went ballistic tearing up the damned gauze.

… What am I going to tell him? What's my excuse this time?

I kept trudging on through the path to the Smurf Village—

At least __this__ time I know where the hell I'm going.

The canopies of the evergreens looming overhead kept me in the cool shade. The chills racing throughout my body wouldn't cease. The sun should be out soon, but for now I have to live with it…

The pine needles crunch with every step I take, one of the few noises apart from the cawing of birds and a whispering wind rustling the branches together. It's all serene. No voices, just my breathing forming clouds in the air.

The sloshing of water wakes me from my trance.

I kneel down on the pebbles and scoop up a handful of the sweet ice to bring it to my dry parted lips…

"Brainy?" Another whisper. So low that I never cringed in fear.

I already know who it is. Still drinking from my palms, "Good morning, Clumsy."

His surprisingly strong arms wrap around me from behind. Any other time I would nearly curse at him to keep his distance…

But not now. "We went looking for you everywhere."

"… Where are they now?"

"Asleep, pretty close by here… even the kids are here."

Sassette. My muscles inched to a smirk, out of amusement. Now he's sitting next to me. Out of everyone in the Village, he seems to be the only one who can seek me out, without the intention of causing me harm. I guess this is what makes him a good friend, despite his flaws.

"Don't wake them up. They need more rest, and so do you. I'm going back to my hut and turn in." I'm secretly wishing he'd come with me.

As obedient as he was, "Okay…" Another hug, my arms limped at my sides which didn't raise a centimeter, "See you later, Brainy."

"See you."

* * *

My eyelids were heavy. I didn't want to get up anymore. I sensed that the other Smurfs were back home. The faint clank and whir of Handy's machinery and the squeak of Farmer's wheelbarrow signified the beginning of another day, and nearly breakfast time.

A knock at my door; I drift off into a warm, soothing fantasy.

Another couple knocks, and it's being snatched away. Already I'm getting irritated.

"Come in" a hoarse voice void of oxygen; I cough a little.

"Good morning, my little Smurf." My blurry eyes couldn't make out the multitude of figures at my door. I reach out for the lenses and stick them on.

"Hello, everyone" Smiling was not an option for me. The Smurflings and Smurfette beamed, realizing that I still existed. Snappy looked anxious, "I'm sorry four-eyes, er, Brainy. I didn't know—" Out of the gathering, the girl in pigtails rushed into me with the tightest hug I ever received, I could barely breathe—

"Sa—Sassette—!" For a girl she had a hard grip. It must be from all those games she plays with the boys. Nat loosened her arms before giving me his hand, which I held onto without hesitation,

"We looked for you everywhere, big brother!" I stifled a laugh within my throat. Oh, this is getting ridiculous.

Papa was leaning against the door. He let out a chuckle of relief as Smurfette leaned in and gave me another kiss on the cheek.

Fuckin' ridiculous.

I expect them to return to a state of neglect. I expect them to forget my very existence. I'm just another in a sea of these pathetic creatures… I'm pathetic.

I just want to lock myself in my study to continue the task hardwired into my puny gnome mind since I realized the world could never be perfect.

* * *

It would soon be back to the same.

The constant questions of my recovery from random Smurfs had finally quelled.

It would soon be back to the same.

Smurfette was getting protective of herself again. At least that's what I think she's doing. I'm seeing more public displays of affection towards Hefty more than ever. Especially when they're looking after Baby, as if they wanted one of their own; I'll admit I'm getting jealous.

Next topic.

* * *

"What are you doing, Brainy?" A straw hat's brim scratched my arm lightly.

"Papa's making me do inventory." Jotting down endless numbers of limited supplies on parchment mounted on a wooden clipboard. I adjust my glasses before they threaten to fall off. I'm hunched down counting sacks of walnuts and cut pieces of truffle preserved in jars.

I peer over my shoulder; Nat seems bored all at once. Truthfully I don't care if he left but out of trained habit I engage him in further conversation, "How are you little brother?"

He blinks at my sugar coated tone but then lets out a smile, "I'm all right, and so are the others—

"Sassette?"

Odd silence, "She's fine."

I couldn't care less about Snappy and I never really thought much of Slouchy; "Sassette" was the only name I could use.

Nat raised a brow in an off-putting way, "Why do you ask?"

I respond with a high disinterest for the name I've just mentioned, "Just 'cause."

I bite the side of my tongue thinking of what else I could say. Nothing comes to mind.

"I guess you're kinda busy here. Sorry."

Shrugging my shoulders once my back's turned to him, "I guess I am."

The shadow of the Smurfling on the wall walks away with hesitant steps. I realize that my vision is getting worse, or rather that the light I just had began to dim. I bite the tip of the quill realizing that it's sunset once again. I'm done for the day.

* * *

Long tables are filled with wasted oxygen in bouts of yelling and laughter as my tired eyes search for visible stars through the laterns' pollution of the sky. I don't speak as Clumsy sits down next to me with that same carefree or clueless attitude.

I expect "Hey Brainy!" or "Boy I'm hungry!" but he only gobbles down the food served to him. I had finished my meal five minutes ago and all I'm doing is playing with the spoon. From the corner of my eye I spot Smurfette pecking at Hefty's cheek, much to their audience's excitement. The constant rumble of voices makes my eyelids get heavy. I end the onset of lethargy by pushing myself off the stump for a chair before trudging off.

It took my only companion less than ten minutes to catch up to me in my trek through a familiar path in the outskirts of the forest. I acknowledge his presence with a clearing of my throat. He thought that this was his permission from me to speak,

"Bet you're doing better now, Brainy?" I kept quiet.

In all ignorance he wraps an arm around me; I flinch. He sure as hell won't be holding my hand. Either way the rest of them would be getting the wrong message—that we must be some couple.

I bet they wouldn't go spreading the same thing if Clumsy happened to be a lot younger, or if the girls Smurfette and Sassette did the same thing…

Funny I can't imagine myself being a kid; I'm void of eternal happiness and sunshine and that must be the first requirement to be one.

"You gonna get off me Clumsy?" Shoving him away much to his surprise.

He hasn't forgotten my lack of resistance at the stream; Clumsy's a few feet away from me with that same look from last time.

I'm so cold.

A chirping of crickets, bellow of a bullfrog, and the hoot of an owl breaks the abyss of what could have been a deeply meaningful chat. "I didn't mean to be rude."

"No Brainy; I'm sorry for doing that." I can barely hear him.

I appreciate having someone who cares at all, "I really do."

"What?"

"Nothing." I'm beginning to feel terrible for reasons I myself can't understand.

Clumsy manages to pipe up, "I'm glad you're okay;" I try to grin in return—"are you?"

I'm getting sick of the interrogation and stare at my side to notice a flower, which unlocks a fragment of a recent memory, "There's a potion that Papa has that makes things grow."

This was said partially to distract myself from light depression. But having it said in the affirmative sparked my interest, "I want to know what's in it."

I'm talking to myself now but Clumsy doesn't get it, "Sounds like a swell potion; how'd you find out?"

"I spilled it and—

Don't want to revisit the intense emotions from that day.

"Never you mind Clumsy. I've had an off day as usual." Last part a bit rushed, "But I'm glad that you're here with me. You're a good friend."

 _ _Even if you're nothing but a naïve boy.__

He failed to raise the cap over his eyes in elation, touching my shoulder with an outstretched hand. For the first time in what felt like months I get a good look at his face, orbs glazed over, "You're a good friend too! Even though you can be kinda.."

My brows rise uncontrollably for what I know he would say next. And now I'm just waiting for it.

"Kind of…"

 _ _Say it.__

Sighing in impatience, I remove his hand from my shoulder before bidding him good night, heading back home to sort out the tumult in my mind from days gone by.

"Kinda mean."

* * *

Tumbling in sleep—

"No… no..!"

Migraine attacked the elder after he awoke. He rubbed at his temples with calloused hands, "oh no."

Another nightmare. Papa Smurf was beginning to notice a pattern, although the dreams in themselves were never clear. Yet they somehow always left him tense and shaking.

It would be rude and strange to wake his fellow Smurfs in the middle of the night to speak of some outdated superstition known as a vision. A vision that had yet to be interpreted to make any sense.

In mixing another potion to aid his sleep in the candlelight, he was lulled into a meditative state.

"Nothing's wrong, Papa."

 _ _Nothing's wrong.__

* * *

 _ _Dammit.__

There I went indulging in my wicked fantasy again. I'm terrible.

Didn't just think about it. I wrote it down word per word. A little break from my __Quotes From Brainy Smurf__ took a turn for the worst. It began as an organization of many stray musings, trying to get myself under control.

Sitting there with one leg crossed over the other, parchment seized in my hand with illegible scrawls only to be understood by me, I end up chuckling for just a bit. Then I open a drawer in the desk and shove it underneath other documents.

Oh ho I'm terrible.

I'd told myself to get some rest many times over and have always slept late. Maybe that explains my foul mood.

Groaning for a second after removing my glasses, I bite my lip to stifle yet another giggle.

… I should turn in.


	5. Threshold

Something stupid happened; I'm the cause of it. My cheek's swollen up and I think my jaw's beginning to make cracking sounds while I chew.

I let my feelings get to my head. Those less-than-pitiful feelings of jealousy. Of want. I might've blown up Hefty's joke to ridiculous proportions, but there was an inflection in his voice that rubbed me the wrong way. Enough for me to lash out with words undermining his physical capabilities underneath a thick skull.

Earlier I had a question to ask Smurfette, as to why her nurse-like attributes had faded away once I was no longer a lost, pathetic thing. I wasn't flirting with her or pressing on too hard, although the grip on her shoulder as she was turning away might have been.

 _"Leave her alone!"_

 _"She's not really yours, you know."_

Should be _one_ to one human, right..? Smurfette hasn't confirmed her attraction yet to anyone, as far as we all know—or want to believe.

The single light of my room was dimming considerably. Fumbling in semidarkness, I managed to find a new candle…. Upon getting home bleeding a little, Clumsy had the smart idea to insist on being near to find out if I was ok.

 _"Do I look ok to you?"_ Before I practically throw him out of my house. Anger somehow augmented my strength; I was a little surprised that I could move Clumsy at all since he's admittedly more well built than me.. I'm sure at the present moment he's weeping.

Honestly I should care but, know what? I don't. I'm seething. It hurts. It hurts not to yell and beat whatever or whoever happens to be in my way. So then I'm drowning it out in yet more bursts of prose that keep involving bouts of me living horrid fantasies. I could never be as strong as another, but that's what a weapon is for. Smurfette happens to make an appearance in my arms, wriggling a little until I make her understand that I'm dreadfully serious.

"Oi Brainy!"

My shutters rattle from the knocking on wood. I groan; it's a Smurfling—the only female among them. "Go to sleep Sassette..!" My voice strained yet hoarse. I bite my lip right after hoping that she wasn't to repeat Clumsy's question. I might end up tossing her clear across the room before I make her leave.

"I'm not tired Four Eyes!" That got my attention.

"You'd _better_ head back you little-!" I open the window with anything I could find that was long and heavy enough to strike her with. It was a broom. Glad it wasn't a mop. Sassette flinched a little before gazing up at me, seeming as if she were to about to giggle.

"Busy cleaning there?" Arm lowered; I give a tiny sigh frustrated at myself for wallowing in the negative, "N-No. Come in." I was reaching the door when the girl just clambered in through the window. Civility was not something that she respected. Sassette shut it, at least, before taking a seat right at my desk, my writing in plain sight. I'm really hoping that that she couldn't translate my scrawls.

"Is this for your 'Quotes' books?" Small fingers brushed along the parchment. Immediately my hand was an inch away from grabbing hers to make her stop. Given what occurred though I couldn't run the risk of having everyone be my enemy. My crooked fingers retracted, shaking a little.

"Is it that bad, author?" Her eyes squinted in mock suspicion. I breathe out relief and mix it with a chuckle, "It's not my best work; I'm embarrassed by it. Besides! It's a rough draft so of course you wouldn't be able to read it, silly."

Her laugh caught me off guard, "Heh heh; that's my word! And, I'm sorry." Managing to ease herself, "I never think that _you_ would say that your work is terrible. But I still think that your _Quotes from Brainy Smurf_ are boring."

That's because they're not meant for younger Smurfs. I rolled my eyes and politely removed the papers from her hands, "To you maybe."

"Nope; I'm sure any Smurf would think it's a snooze." Emphasis with an open-mouthed yawn quite unlike Smurfette's, arms stretched out in place of having a hand in front of her face. I started, "It's _not_ for my 'Quotes'. It's personal."

Lavender in yellow fire shone at my confession. Thin brows raised; freckles prominent, "Oh?"

That did it; Sassette wasn't going to let that slide so easily. However, I failed to hear anything beyond a child's cackle. She didn't even reach for said personal work again. I had permission to stuff it at the bottom of my roll-out drawer with the growing pile of other musings. I'd hate to call it a diary.

The girl got herself preoccupied with the quill and ink on a blank sheet of paper. Foul tries at writing became senseless scribbles until they were doodles.. Drawing? I peeked over her shoulder and she buried the images under her arms, "no!" Cheeks a little red—not so confident yourself hm? I think I was smiling in that instant.

"Why's your face hurt?" She just noticed; I look away almost puffing up my cheeks, clearly not in good spirits to discuss it. Bruised, sore arms getting folded brought the message home. "Oh you got beat. Or did ya lose your glasses and fall down a hill?"

You know, tumbling down a hillside sounds nice right now. "Mmh."

I couldn't come up with anything snaky to say. Typically a breeze but.. My head hurt again. Need to stop whining about it. "Sassette?"

She quirked her expression, "Hm?" When she lifted up from her slouch I could see branches of a tree and a couple flowers. Butterfly? "You won't tell the others?"

"About what?"

"I got beat up for saying really mean things—Um, meaner than usual." Oh, she was witness to the times I was chucked out of the Village for being a know-it-all. Insulting others.

She seemed concerned all the same, "What did you say, Brainy?" I growled in turn, "I dare not repeat it." I couldn't 'swear' like humans did; that would fly over other Smurfs' heads.

"Okayyy. But you said what to who?" I blink; was she feigning disinterest? Her knees are up to her chest, still in my seat. I've been leaning over my desk this whole time. I pursed my lips and turned away, "To Hefty. Okay—Smurfette, Handy, umm.."

The girl inquired no further; I was glad for that. She continued drawing. The Smurfling's not half bad at it, although the lack of finality in the lines indicated that she didn't do this often.

"Why are you here, Sassette?" A tired face betrayed her retort, "I said I wasn't sleepy..! And you're the only one I know that stays up late past midnight all the time. Even Papa sleeps earlier than you. If I try staying up at my place Slouchy or Nat will complain; Snappy can sleep through anything and, he doesn't care…"

Don't know about that.. I had a random thought that got the better of my curiosity, hand under my chin, "What's it like living with all guys? Males?" What was it like for the blonde?

"Pfft." She finally stopped marking away and proceeded to clean the quill as I taught her on days she was bored and ended up helping with notes for work. She put off a bit of humor, "It's fun I guess.." Trailing off.

"Do you like any of them?"

"All of them; they're my friends."

"Not what I meant." I hated myself for asking. That fresh memory wouldn't stop hounding me! Sassette gave me a look that was too familiar. I was walking a fine line, "Ignore me."

I couldn't imagine her taking the question seriously, yet her brows knit as if in deep thought for a long while. I couldn't tell time; I shuffled up the remaining parchment and set the pile neatly down. Closed up a book on the stand.

"I like Snappy." Ugh. "But he's rude like you. He keeps going though and doesn't shut up."

.. Like _me?_ How is that insufferable kid the same as me?

"I don't.. understand."

Sassette smirked, "When he's not being a smartmouth he's a lot of fun. And he can be really nice. I know he can't stand you." Forcing myself to a tightlipped smile, "Likewise."

Redhead thought nothing of it and giggled, head leaning on her kneecaps heaving a little sigh. In her quiet time I was disturbed by her calm nature. This shouldn't be part of my concern.

"Tired now, Sassette?"

"A little." She was downcast out of nowhere. I promised myself not to dig for answers.

"What do you expect—a bedtime story? You should," tone under heavy control, "You should go home."

She hopped off and out of my area, braids swinging limply. "I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Brainy. You should go to sleep too, ok?"

I shrugged it off as a 'maybe'. "Take the d—

Out the window. Really..!

* * *

I spend the following day with the slightest pain in my neck compared to everything else, eyes stinging and dry. I didn't take the Smurfling's advice to heart; when I finally turned in, the dream I had wasn't anything normal or even concrete.. Given how the others looked at me, it was obvious that I was being pretty moody. Mostly dour; I wasn't pestering anyone at all. I hadn't even spoken a word to anyone. Endless possibilities within my head were proving to be much more interesting, and not for any future publication.

I neglected my duties in favor of wandering around the forest with no real plan in mind. At some point I walked past a couple humans, whom I backtracked to see. They kept their voices low and had on expressions that I couldn't decipher. The female was getting lost in plane of sight, as if she were under a spell. Being in the hold of a tall male with oddly delicate facial features might be a reason as to why.

"Love, maybe we shouldn't"

"Why not?" Their faces as red as some the roofs of our houses. "We'll be in much trouble."

I cover my mouth to not let out a cold laugh. Much trouble indeed.. What were they doing?

I leave them alone for their anxiety-ridden situation. Guessing that their encounter was meant to be private.

.. I just wanted to forget where and who I was for some precious moments. That wouldn't be the case as I later bumped into others absentmindedly.

"Sorry." Not even glancing at them until a lightning flash. This one was more annoyed than usual; he was the first to make voice of what was obvious, "Nice face."

My cheek was swollen and my lip chapped. Close to a black eye on my left side. Chin just hurt. Despite my malformed complexion, I beamed albeit strained for it, "Good to know that you can see just fine..!" Like the first compliment he ever gave, visibly shaking. I almost leave the scene before Snappy shouted, "Better than you, bat!"

This was getting old. "Got anything else?" My tone testy, tongue at the roof my mouth. I didn't realize how close I was, leaning in until a small hand got my loose fist. The boy in the straw hat and broken overalls shook his head very slow, mouthing out, "Not now." I couldn't explain the smile that was plastered on my façade.

 _You always did care, don't you, Nat?_

.. Per the norm, the lazy kid was enjoying the breeze in a bed of flowers as opposed to leaning on a tree or rock. The girl, was missing. "Where's Sassette?"

Without warning, Snappy had shoved all his weight against me in the most pathetic attempt to knock me down—"What-?!"

I shoved a hand on his shoulder with a thud to hold him at arms' length. For a split second I noticed his eyes go wide before he continued pushing in vain before jabbing in the air, "It's none of your business! Sassette's fine!"

Not with you attacking me for asking, it isn't. "Off!"

Snappy had collapsed on the grass in front of me. I just looked on, more curious and enticed than I should have been. My glasses were removed, revealing the true color underneath, "Never touch me again."

Slouchy had awakened from his slumber while Nat's jaw kept unhinged. For the first time, I sensed another's fear of my actions, however insignificant they were.

I thought.

Minutes after I trudged off their unofficial property, I failed to get the satisfying image of the humbled Smurfling out of my muddled thoughts.

Not halfway through the day, I began to feel hazy. I hadn't eaten. Hardly had anything to drink. And yet, I was convinced there wasn't a single hint of weakness in my body which begged me to rest even for a minute. I think I wanted to escape again. I looked behind myself. Not a clue as to where I was.. The flora and fauna was becoming scarce. I assume I'm getting close to the human settlements.

.. But which ones? I step forward, going a few steps before I realize where my wandering has led me. Power left me in that instant.

Instead of sprinting off, my feet took heavy, indecisive steps. I kept peering over my shoulder. There's no way I could be that desperate. I start to think of the advantages of wielding control. At which cost, I didn't know just yet.

I messed up several times in the past. Let me learn from those chances I had for once.

The scent of sweet flowers allured me before the saccharine overtone made me cover my nose. Someone else sniffed, not too far off. I'm careful not to prick my skin on the rose bushes when I shift through them. A large, looming figure nearly sends me toppling over back into them. At the last moment my balls of my feet sent me forward to the ground—

"Watch out!" My face only centimeters away from hard dirt and gravel. The other Smurf struggling next to my ear trying to hold me up. Puppy, as it turned out, got them to rest by scooping me up with his snout, "Oh.."

That Smurfling was Sassette, who was catching her breath, "You're heavy."

.. I'm a 'string bean'.

"Sorry I inconvenienced you." The flattest affect I could muster, hand cradling my chin, "Puppy; let me down now." That he did; I dusted off the dried mud that he played in earlier today. Sassette tried to grin, rubbing her eyes, ".. I'm glad to see you."

"No," throwing a glare at her, "you're not." I knew it was uncalled for. Funny; I didn't get the same twisted feeling over me, "I mean, I'm just some Smurf," turning away from sad violet eyes, "I'm no one special." She wasn't crying because of me, right?

I let out a small amount of air like I was already fed up with interacting. She apologized. I blink, "That's not necessary, carrot top." Keeping my gaze as level to hers as I could in a semi-crouch. Sassette's freckles got more prominent with the color on her cheeks, "Don't call me that!" To some smirk I must have had on; I end up chuckling, "How 'bout 'redhead'? 'Ginger'?"

"Definitely not 'Ginger'!" Breathing through her nose to increase her stature however diminutive it was, "It tastes bad anyway," folding her arms grumbling, "Ginger's not even red."

Although she seemed angry in the moment, she was certainly livelier than when I had found her. Hesitantly, I pat her shoulder, "You know I don't mean to call you that to make you feel bad, right?" She stuck her tongue out at me, "I know, Brainy." Blowing stray strands of hair from her face. It bugs me since they keep falling back down so I fix it without her permission, "That's better."

I furrow my brows slightly after she turned away from one of my rare, genuine smiles—brief as it was.

You're not getting shy, are..?

It's too shaded in this part of the wood to tell.

"Let's get you home," dangling my arm in stride not expecting her to hold on, ".. Come along, Puppy."

The dog with a much better sense of direction went ahead as a guide. There were minutes when we thought we had lost him but a single bark would keep us on the correct path. I kept sensing something from the girl that almost irked me.

"If you want to keep ogling at me, draw one of my profiles. This side's good." Jutting out my chin in pose, ".. With or without glasses?"

A small growl and pellet to my arm, "Ow—"

"Got no one else to look at smarty. You're just bad at talking." I rub a bit at my arm, unfazed.. What can we talk about?

"Snappy." Noticing her twitch, "What did he pick on you for?" Grip on my hand tightened. She didn't try lying about it. Nothing was said afterwards. Sooner than I had hoped (due to burgeoning curiosity) we were back at the Village. This kid held on all the same, even as I wanted to pull away, "Is it that bad with him? You're scared?" Raising a brow in suspicion. This little creation was strong and could certainly hold her own in a brawl—what was the deal?

"Sassette.. Really." Bent over, free hand on my bony hip, tugging away at no avail, "I'm not the favorite here. The least you could do is not affiliate with me for your own sake." My voice came out a lot softer than I wanted it to be; too close to another for comfort. Starting to tremble, which finally caught her attention and granted my freedom, "Sorry."

I blew a gust of wind to the air, avoiding her, "It's fine."

Up to this point I was used to her company since she tended to keep her distance which gave me deep relief, unlike..

Shaking my head at no one, "Go home."

I have other, important things on my mind. Papa's residence. I hear nothing else from the poor Smurfling; Puppy whimpered when I didn't pet him for a job well done before following the sulking owner. On the way to my destination I picked several wildflowers that had yet to blossom. Some whispers surrounded me, about one..

What did it matter now?

Carelessly tossing the weeds away when the sight no longer appeased me.

Everyone could see my injuries and flaws; they can't see what I'm thinking—Abstract notions that began to solidify by the time I got to the Smurf's door. I come in without knocking as a habit since I've worked here. Instead of going straight into the lab I begin to scour the area for anything hidden in plain sight, including other Smurfs. When I call out his name and don't get an answer, I open the door to the study.

He must be out hiking and collecting ingredients. That rose is still there, full and healthy. Grinning inwardly before rummaging through shelves, cabinets and drawers to browse through potions, pamphlets, scrolls.. I manage to find the mystery concoction and a small, empty vial right before I notice him up on the hillside, merely a red speck in the distance. I stash the now filled vial in the brush feet away from his house to pick up later. I make everything neat and tidy as before, but I let off on dusting.

"Brainy, where have you been all day?"

The sky's a warm orange, obscured by violet clouds, "Will it rain soon?" As in a dream.

He could've dropped a few items then and there had I not placed my arms near him, "Papa," distributing their weight as I carried them in, "can I talk with you?" His stare was intense, as if he were to scold me mercilessly, "We'll discuss whatever it is later—

" _Now._ " Dropping the semisweet tone I had going on. I expected him to be a little startled; he let out a grave sigh, "Come inside." His current gait betrayed a sort of tenseness not present in his facial features.

I'm silent until I'm told to take a seat. "This looks familiar," opening my hands to reveal white streaks where my gashes were. If you rubbed a finger on them you'd feel a raised edge on the marks, "Thank you for this, Papa." I made sure that the curling of the lip was unsettling enough to give a hint I was referring to more than just the lotion and bandages. The old man got it by how he stiffened, ".. I didn't break the jar," not seeing in my direction, "I'm glad you're alright."

Delayed reaction much?

I lean back as best as I can without falling off, "You're ignoring this," waving a beckoning hand to my face, "are you?" Papa tapped the wood next to us, "I've already went over that with the others involved. I'm not going to revisit it." Fingers lightly tugged his beard in a nervous habit.

"And we're not going to. I'm here for something else." Exploring the objects on his work desk to find a quill to handle in case I get fidgety myself, "This is something I overheard once from you and Grandpa Smurf." My eyes itch; I remove my glasses to shut red-orange orbs tight right before a little massage between the nose and temples.

He's waiting for me to gather myself. The feather slides between my fingers smoothly.

"Papa," placing the frames back on with one hand, "just _who_ is meant to be Leader when you're gone?"

The elder recoiled violently enough to have to grip the table for support, "Where were you?"

I start with a deadpan, "Where I've always been—cleaning up after your messes.. I just happened to walk by at the right time." Propping my head and neck up by my arm, slouching forward. I urge him to answer my question with a sly smile.

"You are." Saying it flatly. Something in his stance told me a lot more than what he wanted to let on. It left me content for some moments. The quill teased my lip before I decide I wouldn't need it anymore.

"Brainy. You're not ready." My back arches to a normal posture. I care enough for my hands to not draw into fists so they rest quietly on my thighs.

"Of course I'm not, _Father_." He raised a brow. "For all the time I've worked.." Glancing at my palm, "you haven't considered me an equal, not even as an apprentice. Is this your way of teaching, with mind numbing tasks?" Peering up under purple swollen skin, "How many years am I supposed to wait for a real lesson?"

Papa got up about to leave; I grab at yet another jar, "This one won't break in my hands, doctor."

When he sputtered out the next word, a small nagging part of me warned that I had gone too far. "St-Stop." He seemed to be having a migraine to cover up something else, "I don't want, to teach a Smurf," barely grazing my eyes, "with a heart and mind..."

I'm laughing into the back of my hand, "P-Papa! My heart—the organ that pumps blood through our system, is just dandy!"

Now, I knew what he meant; I'm not a fool. I got up with an air of what could be labeled arrogance more than defiance. It's hard to get his attention given whatever he was suffering from at the moment. My reproach, "Papa Smurf. Have you done any speculating as to why my _heart_ , as you say, is like this?" Thumping the wood with impatient fingers; I'm scowling. Finally, he's showing vulnerability.

It's a part of you as it is this accursed Village.

"I'm, sorry, Brainy."

"That's not good enough." Voice lowered to a pitch that I didn't think was possible, coming out of me. Throat stopped working for second. Cocked my head low, "Since you've failed to teach me properly, your heir, I'm going elsewhere for that instruction."

There's no need for you to be in shock, of all the possible.. He no longer saw me standing here. I was a ghost he bypassed to talk at the wall behind us, "I don't have the authority to convince you to stay. Your interest in this role was one of the reasons I considered it.. From now on," getting up to walk away into the confines of his bedroom, "your goal might be that much harder to attain."

No. It will be wicked easy.

I bring up my clawed hand up to my mouth to prevent that being spoken aloud.

"You still have a chance to reconsider."

Snarling, "You've all wasted your chances on me..!"

He held the slab, "Your efforts weren't successes, you know." He revealed a solemn smile before he disappeared.

. . .

I decide to take one of the most innocuous books he owns before picking up my potion at the drop zone.

* * *

I try my best to sneak out of the Village in the dead of night. So far, so good. The last meal we had (where I had taken a seat away from the communal table to avoid any further interrogation) would be enough to put everyone into a food coma. Stifling a yawn, fastening the knapsack onto my shoulders, I casually stride, guided by moonlight and the occasional lantern with its warm glow. Faint voices reach my ear and I soon discover the Smurflings are still up and about, chatting up a storm. My name was mentioned in a strained way.

"That's got to be Snappy," To myself with a light chuckle. I creep to the wall of their house to take a peek through the small space between the window shutters. The boy has his shirt off. There's.. a dark, yellowing spot on the abdomen that has my name written all over it. I couldn't look for too long without feeling..

Didn't think.. Serves him right.

"Quit squirming..!"

"Get off me Nat!" A small yelp from the farm boy when Snappy retaliates from needed treatment.

That ginger was still a no-show. But she had to be there or else the boys would be more concerned with her whereabouts.

When dry grass crumpled underneath foot falls, I trudge off for several minutes until I know that we're on the outskirts, "Stop following me." The Smurf alongside me took pause. One second of his wrists in my view showed imprints of my breakdown the night before. "Hmph. You couldn't sleep either?" I close my eyes wishing this was just a conscience that could wisp away. I rightfully deserved a punch to my own gut, but I got a loving hug instead.

"Please come back soon..!" I tear away abruptly, "Why are you so damn clingy?!"

He always managed to push all the wrong buttons. I cover my mouth worried how flagrant that outburst was. Wide eyes more confused than startled. Oh; I swore in front of one of my own. At my only 'friend', no less.

"I'll be back, of course. I'll just be harder to find." I clear my throat, "Goodbye, Clumsy." In wanting to give reassurance, my arm shook as I raise it. Not to harm him, but to place it as comfort upon his shoulder.

But I'm not going to stick around for his tears.

* * *

The world at night seems larger. I hear cries of nocturnal animals crawling up my spine; I tell myself that all were a safe distance away. I froze when hearing other voices, soft enough yet failing to hide a guttural inflection. "This way now; we're almost there." The sharpening of metal against metal; the source of the sound guided by light in the distance. Torches. I come in closer, crawling through a bush to see fur dragging in the dust of the trail. The hide of a dead creature. I hold my breath. "They'll never know what hit 'em. Our condolences to the mighty lord."

It didn't come out right; I knew better than anyone it was mocking sarcasm. Counting the pairs of feet passing by, I surmised it was a small army. Full of vengeful souls.

I crawl back on raised limbs, almost flopping over due to my pack. I could only keep still as one of the men rifled through the bush, expecting to find a spy, of sorts. I simply lie down when they're gone, not quite sure what I was doing anymore.

Not realizing I had fallen asleep, I stagger before tripping over myself, "oof."

Geez; my head.

The scars I felt when clenching my hand reminded me; I kept trekking for an hour or two until arriving.

The sky black.

I wasn't about to move in brashly. I put in a strenuous effort to climb up cobblestone to a window that was thankfully open just a tad. It was nearing the summer months. Once I recover I step forward to see pitch below me before squinting at anything I could possibly use to reach a shelf. For the millisecond I forget about where I was I'm struggling to hoist myself back up onto the ledge.

Why can't I carry my own body weight?

I fall on something soft. Linen. Relaxed breathing down my neck tensed me up. I bite down hard on a knuckle to prevent anything else I could do. Crawling quickly to the side of wherever I was, I reach the cold floor. I nearly sneezed.

After some grueling minutes of fumbling in the dark I'm able to get up on a raised platform, where I get an oil lamp to work. In the range of its flame I opened the knapsack to begin reading the book I borrowed. It was laced with spells and incantations of beginner to intermediate level, sure. But it was a start; figured Papa wouldn't need to look back on this one... Less than a chapter was done before I passed out.

Didn't feel like I slept long—maybe 3, 4 hours before a granulated, nasal vocal, "What's the meaning of this?"

That should have injected fear straight into my frame. I stretch out as if I were at home the whole time, even when the cat yowled and hissed up on the table.

"You could have burnt the place down, having that light on all night..!"

I jeer, lazily, up at charcoal gray irises and a pronounced frown, "Good morning to you too, Gargamel."


End file.
